What did the bottle write on the postcard? Wish you were beer!

I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

Why do they never serve beer at a math party? – Because you can’t drink and derive.

Roses are red, violets are blue. Poems are hard. Beer!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “for you? No charge!”

Trust me, you can dance. – Beer

Never look at your beer as half empty. Look at it as halfway to your next beer.
What is the definition of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.

A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says “give me five beers.”
What’s the difference between Bud Light and having sex in a Kayak? They’re both f*cking close to water!

How does a man show that he is planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer.

What do you never say to a policeman? “Sure let me grab my license. Can you hold my beer?”

You can’t find happiness at the bottom of a beer. Obviously, who is happy when their beer runs out?

What did the beer sing on the beach? “Don’t worry. Be hoppy.”

A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.

IPA a lot when I drink beer.

Beer…because you can’t drink bacon.
“Friends bring happiness into your life. Best friends bring beer.”

In heaven there is no beer, which is why we drink it here.

One beer, two beer, three beer, four. Then I hit the floor.

They say you can’t find happiness at the bottom of a beer. No kidding, who’s happy when their beer is over?

When my friend fell asleep at the bar I poured ale at him. It was a brewed awakening.

Beer doesn’t have much vitamins, that’s why you have to drink lots of it.

Hey bartender, I need a beer. I’ve got way too much blood in my alcohol system.

To beer or not to beer, that is the question.

Stop trying to make everyone happy. You’re not beer.

If God had intended us to drink beer he would have given us stomachs.

Beer. Because you can’t drink bacon.

How do you know if someone likes craft beer? Don’t worry they’ll tell you.

Beer is made from hops. Hops is a plant. Beer=salad.

Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of losing a balloon.

Life and beer are very similar. Chill for best results.

This beer tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow.